Somewhere I Belong
by Liquid-Thalassa
Summary: Another quick Cruz fic. Cruz angst. Please give it a read. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks. -Lynne.


Title: Somewhere I belong  
  
Author: Liquid Thalassa  
  
E-Mail: liquidthalassa@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: PG, again for swearing. Hey, Cruz has a potty mouth :)  
  
Spoilers: Umm, general time, nothing specific just mention of Lettie's death.  
  
Summary: A song-fic dealing with Cruz  
  
Disclaimer: The characters of Third Watch belong to John Wells and Warner Brothers. The song "Somewhere I Belong" belongs to Linkin Park (Meteora, 2003)  
  
Author's Note: Here's another one-shot song fic. If you couldn't tell I was on a Linkin park trip, I just wanted to write a story with this song in it. I love their music! Anyways, just another one dealing with Sgt. Cruz. Let me know what you think. Thanks. Oh and I'm just guessing on some things- like Lettie's name and her birthdate. Oh, and it's a mix between 3rd person and 1st person.  
  
*Here's the story:*  
  
When this began  
  
I had nothing to say  
  
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me  
  
I was confused  
  
And I let it all out to find/That I'm  
  
Not the only person with these things in mind  
  
Inside of me  
  
But all the vacancy the words revealed  
  
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel  
  
Nothing to lose  
  
Just stuck/Hollow and alone  
  
And the fault is my own  
  
And the fault is my own  
  
*  
  
She collapsed on her knees, not caring if her navy blue uniform got dirty. Got caring about anything much. Except for this, except for now. She had to come, she didn't care that she was on duty, she didn't care that her radio crackled with directions and orders, didn't care that her annoying partner- Officer-god-knew-what- was sitting in the patrol car drumming his thumbs. Screw him she thought, screw them all.  
  
"55-Echo this is Central. Do you copy?" The radio cracked again. Damn. She told that dumb ass to deal with it. Figures.  
  
Angrily she pressed the button. "Central this is 55-Echo. We copy. Requesting a 10-63. Over." She spat. She wanted to tell them something besides they were taking a meal break- something like fuck off. But no, she held her tongue. This time.  
  
"55-Echo. We copy. 55-Echo is 10-63." The radio crackled.  
  
Dios, she thought. What did it take for some peace and quiet? Too much. Signing she turned her attention to the grave stone before her.  
  
Lettie.  
  
*  
  
I want to heal  
  
I want to feel  
  
What I thought was never real  
  
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long  
  
[Erase all the pain 'til it's gone]  
  
[It's gone]  
  
I want to heal  
  
I want to feel  
  
Like I'm close to something real  
  
I want to find something I've wanted all along  
  
Somewhere I Belong  
  
*  
  
Madre de Dios. Lettie.  
  
Mi hermana. My little sister.  
  
Gone. Ido.  
  
She reached out, slowly and touched it- the grave stone- not believing it was truly real. The coolness shocked her fingertips. Cold, too cold. She traced the ingraving: *Leticia Maria Cruz. 1983-2003. May she rest in peace in the Kingdom of Heaven.* It wasn't enough. It would never be enough. She was gone. And so was Maritza's last thread of sanity.  
  
*Why?* Why did it have to come to this? It was my fault; I should've been there for you. I should've listened.  
  
Damn you, Lettie. You were all I had. Now I'm lost. I have no one. No one. But in truth I was always alone, wasn't I Lettie? I was always alone.  
  
*  
  
And I've got nothing to say  
  
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face  
  
I was confused  
  
Looking everywhere/Only to find that it's  
  
Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind  
  
So what am I  
  
What do I have but negativity  
  
'Cause I can't justify the  
  
Way everyone is looking at me  
  
Nothing to lose  
  
Nothing to gain/Hollow and alone  
  
And the fault is my own  
  
The fault is my own  
  
*  
  
She leaned down resting her head in her cold, wet knees. Tears. They fell down her golden cheeks, streaming like a river. Staining her. There was no stopping them now. Would the pain ever stop?  
  
Eventually.  
  
Lettie, please come back. Por favor.  
  
It was my fault. All of it.  
  
I've lost it. Lost it all.  
  
My pride, my respect, my power, my sanity. My life.  
  
I'm nothing. Hollow.  
  
*  
  
I will never know  
  
Myself until I do this on my own  
  
And I will never feel  
  
Anything else until my wounds are healed  
  
I will never be  
  
Anything 'til I break away from me  
  
And I will break away  
  
I'll find myself today  
  
*  
  
"Hey, are we going to go anytime soon?" A man's voice asked a few feet from her. All whiney and annoying.  
  
Fucker.  
  
She told him to stay in the car. With lighting speed she upholstered her gun.  
  
She'd teach him to disobey her.  
  
She rose, not caring her eyes her were dripping.  
  
She aimed at him. Fucker.  
  
He backed up a step, arms raised in surrender, eyes wide in surprise.  
  
She cocked the hammer, finger on the trigger. It would be so easy.  
  
She could've laughed just then. But no. She just stared coldly, dispassionately at this man.  
  
"I told you to stay in the car." She said. Venom. Pure venom. "What made you think you could just waltz over here, Officer?"  
  
No answer.  
  
"What made you think you could come here? To my sister's grave? Hum?" She yelled. Eyes wild.  
  
She was loosing her reason. No it was lost. Had been for a long while.  
  
A flash of white and blue caught in her periphery. A patrol car. She watched it drive by, crawling. Inch by inch.  
  
Great. Just great.  
  
It was Bosco- and Monroe. 55-David.  
  
She could see him in the patrol car, staring at her. Just staring. Watching.  
  
She looked back down, to Lettie. Dear God.  
  
Bosco was getting out, Monroe following. She turned dropping onto the ground. Tears spilling out once more.  
  
Giving up. Conceding.  
  
This had to stop. She had to pull it together. No one wanted to live like this. Certainly not Maritza Cruz.  
  
*You had to fall in order to rise up again.*  
  
She was falling. Fast and quick.  
  
She felt a hand touching her own. She looked up. Bosco. He took her gun.  
  
"Here," he said quietly. "Let me help you up." Offering his hand.  
  
*You had to fall in order to rise up again.*  
  
Eventually I will rise again, Lettie. I will rise again. I'll find my place. Somewhere I belong. I'll do it for you.  
  
*  
  
I want to heal  
  
I want to feel like I'm  
  
Somewhere I belong  
  
A/N: So what do you think? Good? Please review. Thanks. 


End file.
